A few years ago I was working for an architectural firm in Ankeny. Due to the commute I would leave early and regularly found myself the first to arrive at the office. My morning routine soon became set– starting the office coffee pot and checking my email. It was this time in my life I learned to drink coffee black, no filler. It came out of necessity, as fancy creamers that allowed me to chug sludge soon became too expensive.

This particular morning I found myself desiring a little something more as I heaped a pile of Folgers in the filter atop of the Mr. Coffee. A box of Nutter Butters sitting on the counter stared me in the face. A lightbulb went off. Peanut butter coffee! Yess, peanut butter went well with another tropical bean, so I figured the combination would work well this fine morning. I ground up a couple of Nutter Butters using a spoon and cereal bowl as a make-shift crucible. I transferred the Nutter Butter mash to the grounds in the filter, shut the lid, and fired up the Mr. Coffee. I then retired to my desk.

After checking the zero emails in my inbox I grabbed my mug and went off to retrieve some wonderful piping hot peanut butter coffee. I rounded the corner to the kitchenette to find Mr. Coffee apparently has a peanut allergy. The concoction of coffee grounds and ground Nutter Butters had congealed and clogged the filter.

Twelve cups of peanut butter coffee had nowhere to go but to retreat out Mr. Coffee’s top. The black fluid with nuggets of ground cracker and peanut butter consumed the entire counter and was spreading across the tile floor like the Germans on a map of 1940 Europe (unfortunately it wasn’t a French roast).

My trial and error had transitioned completely to error. I mopped up the whole mess, fired up a fresh pot of Folgers sans Nutter Butter, and soon the rest of the office trickled into work. Nobody was any the wiser, and my boss even quipped about the great cup of joe that morning.

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2 Responses to Minor Confessions of a Major Ass

  1. Clarkitect says:

    Wow, I don’t think I even knew about this! I have to admit, I probably would have done the same thing.
    ~ Brett

    • Karl Chambers says:

      I mean, who wouldn’t at least try to mix Nutter Butters and coffee. I’m disappointed that you gave up after a single try.