On 3M’s website for their wonderful product Super 77 they state:

If you can think it up, 3M™ Super 77™ Multipurpose Adhesive can probably glue it down. It’s like “can do” in a can: a strong-bonding, fast-drying glue that you just spray on.

I confess I may have thought up a little more than what 3M lists in their marketing.

From paper, cardboard, fabric and cushion foam to plastic, metal, wood and much more, 3M™ Super 77™ Multipurpose Adhesive sticks to just about anything. And it helps give your projects the professional touch. So start thinking… and get gluing!

I might have added crickets to that “much more” category. Being cricket season and all, I am reminded of my obsession with crickets as an adolescent. Before we begin, this goes under the category of innocently using magnifying glasses to light things on fire, not serial killers who started by lighting things on fire.

Growing up on my parents farm I made my bedroom in the basement after starting middle school (it’s an adolescent boy thing). The worst part of living in the coolest room of the house during summer– the incessant chirp of crickets. One summer the basement was especially overrun with the disgusting insects. I would turn the lights off and get settled in bed. Just as my eyes were heavy with sleep the crickets would set in, chirp, Chirp, CHIRP! It was something out of an Edgar Allan Poe poem. The more I would attempt to ignore it the louder and louder the mad chirping until at last I could stand it no more.

At first I would spring from the bed in a rage and flip on the light. However, this failed and only silenced the culprit. I became a quick study. Soon I began to slip out of bed with cunning and step lightly so not to startle its call of madness. When I finally found the bugger I would stomp it with lightning quickness. The chirp was often deceiving enough to lure me to a different room. Over time I developed such a precision accuracy I could sense my way around the basement as an insect. However, this particular summer of which I speak to you now was horrible.

The season was in full swing and I would kill the culprit cricket, lay back to bed, and another one would take the place of its fallen comrade. I was beginning to go mad, certifiably insane. Soon it became Carl versus the Crickets. It no longer became a simple contract killing; this was revenge. I was a science fair kid, and the basement was the project construction zone. One horrible night in a cricket killing frenzy I came across a can of 3M Super 77 which we often employed to adhere felt to wood in order to post amazing scientific results to the public. On my way to the killing fields I grabbed the can of Super 77. Finding my first cricket on the concrete floor I let loose with the can of Super 77 as though it contained jellied gasoline– wait, what did you say? The glue quickly adhered the cricket to the floor. As it attempted to squirm free I realized Super 77 is the closest household product to Napalm. I dug up a lighter and let loose on the freshly sprayed cricket. In one fell swoop I burned up all remnants of glue and cricket.

As the summer wore on I became quite proficient in the art of flame throwing crickets. If I ever saw one crossing the floor at any time I would turn into a flame throwing Clint Eastwood. Soon the disgusting qualities of these black creatures came to light as every so often worms would writhe out of a burning cricket smoldering on the floor.

I confess, I used to spray glue crickets in my basement and light them on fire. Hey, “if you can think it up, Super 77 can probably glue it down.”


2 Responses to Minor Confessions of a Major Ass

  1. Jess says:

    Really, worms inside of crickets? Eeew!

  2. EClark says:

    There's something seriously wrong with our family.